Redemptive Love
by Alexiper
Summary: Season 3 left me hungry. Then I had an idea about how it might go on, and I thought I should write it down. Then, once I wrote it down, it kept growing. Like fungus. Post Season 3, Vauseman.
1. Chapter 1

Two and a half months. That's how long it had been since Alex saw the halls and the faces of Litchfield Federal Prison. She had spent the first month drifting somewhere between life and death, in a coma that the doctors seemed initially pessimistic about. Gradually, however, her condition had improved, and after four weeks of immobility, she had finally opened her eyes. It had taken another six weeks to make a full recovery, and since Alex's attack had been a gross neglect on account of the prison, they were only too happy to let her have as much recovery time as she needed. First, there came the physical recovery, as she slowly started to regain feeling in her arms and legs. Both her arms had been encased in a heavy plaster when she woke up, and during the first two weeks she couldn't move at all, because her attacker had broken her shoulder, which needed to heal fully until she could move on to more thorough physical therapy.

While the physical recovery was painful, however, what Alex remembered most of her weeks in the hospital was when she for the first time remembered her attack. At first, when the images had started coming back to her, she'd had a panic attack, and the nurse had to give her a sedative. In the following nights she'd had bad nightmares, but no more panic attacks. At first she had balked at the idea of trauma counseling. She felt little inclination to talk about the encounter, and on the whole therapy had never done much for her. After a week of nightmares, however, she'd started to come around to the idea. When she considered the fact that she was in the _hospital_ , and not in prison, she considered that here they might actually have qualified counselors who might actually help her.

She had still been reticent, at first, when Miriam sat next to her bed with a writing pad and a sympathetic look. The counselor had to draw her out at first with some questions, but she was careful never to overstep, and thanks to her interviews Alex was able to talk through her attack without hyperventilating. When after three sessions the nightmares gradually started to lessen, Alex was finally convinced that the therapy was helping, and she made as many appointments as she could get — knowing that she'd have to return to prison at some point.

After two weeks of consciousness, Alex had received a visit from Caputo. Alex had been suspicious at first, but the man had been nothing but polite and friendly. Too friendly, Alex thought. Caputo brought her up to date with everything that had happened since her attack — everything pertaining to her, at least, because Caputo slipped up a couple of times, which gave Alex the impression that more had gone wrong than he was willing to let on. The important news, however, was that Aydin had been arrested minutes after the attack had been discovered. Caputo assured her that nothing like that would ever happen again — after Alex's attack they had done thorough background checks both on the guards they had recently hired, and on the guards they hired after that. None of them had a drug-dealing past. If she should recognize any of the guards at all, however, Caputo emphasized, she had leave to come straight to his office.

Another consequence of Aydin's arrest was that (1) Alex was safe now and (2) if they could manage to connect Aydin to Kubra, and they could write him down an extra charge for attempted murder, a retrial for the drug lord might not be so far away. While relieved at this news, however, Alex was suspicious. She told Caputo that she didn't want to testify unless she was _certain_ that her safety was guaranteed. She was willing to identify Aydin as her attacker, but any testimonial of hers which might tie Aydin to Kubra and the Ring, she was (so far) unwilling to give. Caputo understood, though he assured her that her safety was top priority right now. Any details of the case, Caputo told her, she would discuss with her lawyer later, who would get in touch with her as soon as she had fully settled in again. Alex nodded at the information. It was a relief, but after what happened, she felt too suspicious not to keep her guard up.

Alex had no expectations when she stepped back over the threshold of the building that had held her captive for the last few months. With Miriam, she had prepared for her return, and she felt almost calm when she stepped through the hallway on her way back to her bunk.

There were several things she had, however, not been prepared for. She had been confused by the number of people she didn't recognize while walking back to the 'Suburbs,' and when she entered the sleeping hall and saw the bunk beds that had suddenly appeared, she had to control her breathing. She almost had difficulty finding her bunk back, but she was both comforted and surprised to see that her bunk had remained untouched; another bunk bed had been soldered on top of her own, but there was no evidence that anyone else occupied it. She frowned, looking around for some familiar faces to bring her up to speed.

She found those familiar faces in the cafeteria, when lunchtime came around. She sighed in relief as she spotted her regular group — Morello, Yoga Jones, and, a pleasant surprise, Nicky. Almost all of them rose when they spotted her approaching.

'Good to have you back, Vause,' Nicky said, nodding her wild-haired head.

'You too,' she said, surprising herself by laughing. 'You got out of Max, then?'

Nicky inclined her head. 'Only a little after they took you to the hospital, actually, so it was all kinds of weird.'

'Yeah, things haven't been the same,' Morello confided. She smiled at Alex. 'It's good to see a familiar face, what with all the newbies here...'

'Yeah, what is up with that?' Alex said, settling down and putting her spork in an unidentifiable stewish-kind of dish. 'What the hell happened while I was away?'

She raised her head when she was met by silence. She smiled, confused. 'Seriously, tell me. I've been gone for two and a half months, I'm sure I've missed some things.'

At the uncomfortable looks her three companions shared, her eyes registered an empty seat. She looked back up. 'Where's Piper?' she asked.

A collective sigh rose from the table, and Alex's heart started thudding in her chest. 'She isn't skipping lunch again, is she? Or is she still caught up in her panty business?' Alex rolled her eyes, reminding herself that she was supposed to be mad at Piper.

When no answer transpired, Alex cocked an eyebrow. 'Anyone?'

Morello spoke up. 'Alex...' she said, regretfully. 'Piper's in psych.'

Very slowly, Alex lowered her spork. _'What?'_

Now the news had been broken, the others seemed suddenly more communicative. 'Nobody really knows what happened,' Yoga Jones put in, 'but after your attack, she _lost_ it. When she first heard the news, she was _hysterical_. We had a tough time calming her down, so they wouldn't put her in SHU.'

'Well, she calmed down, but after that...' Nicky said. 'When I came back from max, I was shocked to see her. She was skipping meals —'

'She'd completely dropped the panty business,' Yoga Jones said.

'— and when they took her to psych, I heard it was because she'd been _tattooing_ herself, or something like that?' Nicky shook her furry-haired head. 'I tried to talk to her while she was still here, but it was like she couldn't put a word past her lips. Of course, we had no idea what went on in her head, but we knew it had to be about you...'

There was a pause. 'Oh my God...'

'I'm sorry, Vause,' Nicky said. 'I wish I had better news for you on your first day back.'

'Oh my God...' Alex repeated. She frowned. 'Does she...' She took a breath. 'Does she know I'm still alive?'

The three inmates shared a glance. 'It's unlikely,' Morello said. 'We tried very hard to get some news about you, but the guards wouldn't tell us _anything_. It was only yesterday that Healy told us you were coming back.'

Alex frowned. 'Wait, you _knew_ I was coming back?' she said. 'They don't do that, normally, do they?'

'Yeah, it was weird as shit,' Nicky said. 'He told us to take care of you, and everything. I think Caputo gave the guards instruction to treat you nicely.'

Alex stabbed her food. 'Well, a bit too late for niceties, but good to know.'

'Yeah, yours is the only bunk that hasn't been assigned a top bunkie,' Nicky said. 'And between you and me,' she added, leaning in, 'your rep has _soared_ since your attack. It was all anyone could talk about for _weeks_ , and that's saying something, considering the mass breakout they had...'

'Mass breakout...' Alex started. 'No, wait.' She took a breath. 'One thing at a time.' She looked at Nicky. 'My _rep_ has soared? You mean me getting attacked helped my reputation around here?'

'Makes sense when you think about it, though,' Nicky said, shrugging. 'I mean, you were important enough in the outside world for some crazy drug lord to send a hitman, who had to _infiltrate_ the prison for the single purpose of killing you? I mean, that's some mad shit, Vause.'

Alex snorted derisively. 'Yeah, I see what you mean,' she said. 'Well, I'm glad my almost getting smashed into pieces did _some_ good around here.' She stopped stabbing her sad excuse for a meal when Piper flashed through her head. 'But Piper,' she said, looking back at her fellow inmates. She traced her thoughts back to where the conversation had first left the blonde. 'She doesn't know I'm alive?'

'I don't think so...' Yoga Jones said, almost apologetically. 'If we have trouble getting information up here, it seems unlikely that any of it will reach her down there.'

Alex took off her glasses, sighed, and buried her face in her hands. 'Shit. Shit, shit, _shit_!'

'Vause,' Nicky said. 'Hey, _Vause_!'

Alex looked up.

'It's not your fault, okay?' Nicky said. 'Besides, hadn't you split up?'

'We were...' Alex said. 'But she... I...' And she could imagine it all. Piper, sick with grief, worry, and guilt, because she hadn't taken Alex seriously when the woman had told her Kubra was after her. Because she hadn't believed that Kubra could get to her here. _Here_ , in a prison that was supposed to keep its inmates safe. Alex breathed in, and her nostrils flared. Piper had been right. What had happened to her, and what had consequently happened to Piper, was nobody's fault but the prison administration. If security wasn't such a joke down here, none of this would have happened. Everyone started back when Alex slammed her spork on the table and stood up.

'Where you going?' Nicky said. She pointed at her platter. 'You'll miss your delicious lunch.'

Alex didn't laugh. 'I'm going to fix this,' she said.

Nicky spread her arms. 'How?' she asked.

'They can't keep her in there,' Alex said. 'They have no right.' She looked down at her fellow prisoners. 'How long has she been in there?'

The three shared a look. 'Seven weeks,' Yoga Jones confided.

'Seven _weeks_?' Alex said. ' _Jesus_.' She shook her head. 'They can't keep her in there. They can't. I'm gonna get her out.'

'And how're you gonna do that, then?' Nicky asked.

Alex rolled up her sleeves. 'Watch me.'


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey, All! Thanks for the reviews and the follows. I don't promise regular updates, but I already had this one ready. Enjoy!_

* * *

Alex went straight to Caputo's office. When the mustachioed man first spotted her, he smiled and immediately invited her to sit down. 'Vause,' he said, 'It's good to see you. How's your first day back?'

'I want Piper out of psych.'

Caputo blinked. 'What?'

'I want Piper out of psych,' Alex repeated.

'Who?'

'Piper. Piper Chapman. Blonde. Short.' She lifted an eyebrow.

'Ohh, _Chapman_ ,' Caputo said. 'Yeah, we put her in psych, it's true. But that's a few weeks back now...'

'Ex _actly_ ,' Alex said. 'Don't you think it's time to let her out?'

'Well, that's not really my decision...' Caputo said with a simpering smile.

'The hell it is,' Alex sneered. She felt herself getting angry. 'If it were up to the doctors down there, she'd probably never get out.'

'That's not true...'

'It _is_!' Alex shouted, and Caputo recoiled. 'You can ask anyone, if an inmate goes down to psych, they usually get out even worse than when they got in. If they get out _at all_. And Piper Chapman,' she said, putting emphasis on the name, 'does _not_ belong in psych. Get her out.'

Wiping a hand over his head, Caputo seemed to consider. 'Well, it's not really my place...'

Alex sat back, crossing her arms. 'You know I could sue you, right?'

Caputo's eyes widened. 'What?'

Alex smiled cruelly. 'It is your responsibility as a prison to keep the inmates safe at all times. At _all times_. And you _failed_. You failed _spectacularly_ ,' she said, an edge of cruel sympathy to her voice. 'You allowed a man with a criminal record to get inside the prison _as a guard_ ,' she said, punctuating the last word with a raised finger, 'to kill one of your inmates. If you had done even the slightest background check, you would've known that he is a wanted criminal, and a known henchman of Kubra Balik. You put my life in danger,' she concluded. 'I have every reason in the world, to _sue_ you. And, well...' she said, nonchalantly, 'I'm not sure how well it would blow over with your superiors if they got a lawsuit on their hands...'

'Wow wow, calm down now, I'm sure we don't...'

'— and after all the shit you've had to deal with the past couple of months...' she continued. She cocked her head. 'What's this about a massive breakout I heard?'

Caputo's face fell. 'Who told you that?'

Alex smiled sardonically. 'Anyone could have,' she said. 'I mean, since it involved _almost_ all of your prisoners.'

'That's not true!' Caputo said, indignant.

'My _point_ is,' Alex said, 'that I think a lawsuit is really the last thing you need right now. However, I clearly have plenty of reason to do so.' She looked at him over the rim of her glasses. 'And rest assured that I _will_ , unless...'

'Unless...?'

' _Unless_ you let Piper out of psych,' Alex said, folding her hands over her knee.

Caputo wiped a hand over his nearly-bald head. 'Okay,' he said. 'Say that I do that. Can you promise that it's not going to come to a lawsuit?'

'If you let Piper out of psych, you won't hear a peep from me,' Alex said. 'Guaranteed.'

Caputo looked at her for a few seconds, then nodded. 'Okay,' he said. 'I will... Consider your proposal, and I will discuss it with the doctors.'

Alex raised herself from her seat. She looked down at him with as much disdain as she could muster. 'You _will_ let her out,' she said.

Caputo smiled ingratiatingly. 'I will see what I can do.'

Alex was out of Caputo's office, and just around the corner, when she whispered through the corner of her mouth, 'You better, asshole.'

When she got back to the suburbs, Nicky was lying on her back in her bunk, leafing through a magazine. Alex sat down across from her, stretched and yawned. Pumped up about her mission, the adrenalin she had needed to confront Caputo left her, and she felt tired. She took her glasses off and rubbed her eyes.

'And, did you get her out?'

Alex squeezed her eyes shut, then blinked to get the sleep out from between her eyelids. 'I think I made a convincing case to Caputo, so there's a reasonable chance.'

'Caputo, huh?' Nicky closed her magazine and sat up. 'Going to the big boss straight away. Respect.'

Alex shrugged. 'He told me to go to him right away if there was something which bothered me.' She smiled ruefully. 'You know, getting attacked actually might do some good for me here.'

Nicky shook her head. 'It's crazy,' she said. 'I mean, if you play your cards right, I swear you could run this place.'

Alex snorted. 'Yeah, well, that's not really my priority right now.'

'Well, I don't get you. You get power, and you use it to get your ex-girlfriend out of psych? I mean, what the fuck, Vause? She _bailed_ on you.'

Alex sighed. 'I know. But Piper and I... It just wouldn't feel right _not_ to help her, knowing that she's in there...'

'But _why_?' Nicky said. 'I mean, I only saw her after your attack, so by then she was heading towards a whole other end, but from what I heard from everyone else, she was getting seriously twisted.'

'Twisted?'

Nicky rolled her eyes. 'Not that _that_ would be weird to you. I mean, the two of you were twisted from the start, weren't you?'

'We were not,' Alex said, indignant. 'It just... got so fucked up somewhere in the middle, and now... Heck, I have no idea where we stand now.'

'Jesus, Vause, if I were you, I'd stay as far away from that bitch as possible.' Nicky shook her head. 'Did you know I met her ex in Max?'

'Her ex...?' Alex asked. Her stomach sank. 'You mean Stella.'

'Carlin, yeah,' Nicky said. 'Chapman ratted her out, you know. Man, she was _pissed_. Too bad, really. I could've used some company.'

'Wait,' Alex said, 'Piper ratted her out? What do you mean?'

'I _mean_ , Carlin pulled some shit on her with her panty business.' She waved her hand vaguely. 'Stole her credit, or whatever. And so _Chapman_ stuffed her bunk with contraband — God knows where she got all that — and snitched her out to the guards.'

Alex sat back in her bunk, stunned. ' _Shit_ ,' she said, laughing. 'Really?' She couldn't help feeling perverse pleasure at the news — the news that Piper apparently had nurtured little enough affection for Stella that she'd pull _that_ on her. At the same time, she felt a slight unease at the thought of how tyrannical Piper seemed to have become towards the end.

'Yeah,' Nicky said, 'That was some serious shit. And look, I don't mean to say that Chapman got what she deserved, but all I'm saying is, that all of her exes somehow seem to end up in a worse place than they started.'

Alex's brow creased. 'What do you mean?'

'Well, she ratted you out too, didn't she? You were a free woman until she stepped in. And you didn't just end up in _prison_. You ended in the _hospital_.'

'That wasn't her fault —'

'And Carlin, she was _almost_ a free woman. Now she's in Max. I mean, _seriously_.'

'But that was different!' Alex protested. 'Besides, I named her too. Neither of us were exactly innocent.'

'And that makes it okay?' Nicky said. 'Vause, what she pulled on you was even worse. I mean, she ratted you out to your probation officer because she felt _lonely_ , and then, when _you_ need her the most, she _leaves_ you? I mean, what the fuck, Vause. Why would you get back to that?'

Alex's face crumpled, and her shoulders slumped. 'I know,' she groaned. 'God, I know. She...' She shook her head. 'Yeah, she did treat me like shit. Believe me, I know that better than anyone. But...' She puffed out a breath. 'I can't explain it, okay? I want to help her because I can. That's it. It's not, _rational_. It's not because I owe her anything.' She squared her shoulders. 'And yes, she did treat me like crap, and she did abandon me when I needed her most, and she refused to believe me when I said I was in danger here, but shit, _nobody_ deserves to be in psych. And knowing that it's most likely because of me... I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try.'

Nicky whistled. 'Shit, Vause,' she said, with a laugh. 'I honestly can't believe you sometimes.'

'I know, me neither,' Alex said, a pained grin ghosting over her lips. 'And, I'm not saying that me getting her out of there means anything for us. I mean,' she said, snorting, 'it's not like I want my _girlfriend_ back so badly. But knowing the hell _I_ 've been through the past few weeks... I don't want her to go through hell too.'

'Well, I admire your dedication,' Nicky said. 'I couldn't do it.' She picked up her magazine again, rolling her eyes. 'Fucking straight girls...'

'Well, that's how I know you!' Alex said, laughing. 'Only a few weeks back, and already complaining about girls.'

Nicky glared at her over her magazine.

Alex laughed. 'Jeez, Nicky, you'd think you'd be glad to be out of Max.'

'Humph,' Nicky grunted. 'Not as much as I'd thought I'd be. I mean, I don't miss the high security, and the strict rules, and shit, but I got back here, and _everything_ was different. You were gone, Chapman was just turning around the bend, and there's a shitload of other women that somehow landed here...' She pulled a face. 'Chasing girls isn't even fun anymore.'

'Ahh,' Alex said, as a switch clicked in her mind. 'Morello got married, didn't she?'

Nicky harrumphed. 'Fuck that,' she said. 'I'm over her. She can do whatever she wants.'

Alex smiled sadly. They both knew Nicky was lying, but she didn't want to force the issue. 'But hey, didn't you say you met Stella in max?' she teased. 'Isn't she your type?'

Nicky whistled. 'She's hot stuff, all right, but she wasn't in the mood... Just pissy. All the _fucking_ time.' She shook her head. 'Pissy girls are no fun.'

Alex frowned. 'Did she seem very angry to you?'

'Pretty angry, yeah,' Nicky said. 'But she also blamed herself. It fluctuated.'

'Should I worry about her taking revenge on Piper when she gets back?'

Nicky laughed. 'I think you've got plenty to worry about already, Vause,' she said. 'Revenge from the angry ex is the last thing you need to think about.'

'True,' Alex sighed. She adjusted her glasses. 'I'm just worried for Piper.'

'Yeah, well, maybe you should stop doing that.'

'I know,' Alex groaned.

'Oh, and here's some other piece of advice,' Nicky said, putting her magazine down again. 'You better prepare yourself for when she gets out of there. I mean, she looked like shit when they took her down. I don't know what she's going to look like when they get her out...'

For a second, Alex felt a tightness in her throat, and she had trouble breathing. Nicky was right. She had no idea what she was getting herself into. In what state Piper would be in. Panic fluttered like a tiny moth under her skin, that maybe she'd have to deal with more than she could handle.


	3. Chapter 3

_All right folks, this one's a bit shorter. Thanks again for the marvelous reviews, the follows, and the favorites. I only got back to Fanfiction recently, and it's my first time publishing on this website, so the enthusiastic reception was heartwarming. I hope I'll be able to keep meeting your high expectations..._

* * *

It was only because they said 'good morning' that Piper knew it was another day. They kept the lights on at night, and without natural light to guide her biological cycle, she had lost every sense of time. She couldn't remember when she got here. She couldn't imagine ever getting out. Nothing of her surroundings seemed to register. The doctors all seemed the same and sounded the same, even though in an obscure lucid part of her brain Piper knew there had to be more than one person. But it didn't matter. There was only thing which occupied her time in here (no longer day or night, but a timeless limbo with light that felt like darkness): the image of Alex, lying on the floor of the greenhouse, spreadeagled on the wood with her limbs at awkward angles, and blood. Too much blood.

And Aydin, a ghoul from Piper's past which she only remembered when they cuffed him, and he sneered at her. He looked like he'd wanted to say something to her, but he'd restrained himself. And it had been the look of Aydin struggling against the guards which tugged her out of her paralysis, and movement came back to her limbs, and sound to her throat.

'ALEX!'

She had tried to run towards the woman on the floor, but she felt herself tugged back. And she had pulled, and pushed, and strained every muscle in her body against the anonymous power which restrained her, all the while keeping her eyes on Alex, all the while yelling her name — the only word which kept its meaning after all other words seemed to have run out. _Alex_. The word still scrawled through her mind like a news crawler on television, running off against the main picture — her last image of Alex frozen on the screen of her eyes.

 _Alex_.

They gave her medication, she thought; now and then (she couldn't tell how often) someone came in to give her an injection. For what, Piper didn't know — she rarely moved. She almost couldn't remember how it felt to walk. Along with her sense of time, her sense of space had seeped out.

Someone had tried to talk to her. About her outburst at the scene. About the tattoos that now covered one arm and a big portion of her chest. Self-harm, they called it. Piper had thought of it as a branding. A memento. A set of emblems that spread parasitically over her skin, to remind her of the terrible thing she did. Of the blood that was _already_ on her hands. The actual words, pictures, drawings, hadn't so much mattered. It was the pain of the engraving. But she had relished the pain. She had deserved it, and nobody else would punish her the way she needed to be punished. So she had done so herself. And they had stopped her. She didn't see it as self-harm. But they did. And as long as she kept insisting that it had been necessary, she knew they'd keep her down here. But that, she thought, was no more than she deserved. When she had still been up there she had, in a rush of grief, headed over to Healy's office, so she could beg him for her to be taken down to SHU. Others — she couldn't remember now who they were — had restrained her. Others kept restraining her, it seemed.

But that too, was no more than she deserved. Piper knew she was a dangerous woman. She should be kept far away from others. The paradox that kept her somewhere in a state between life and death, was the knowledge that Alex, at least, was now far away from her influence. That thought sustained her. And yet, the same thought also seemed to rob her of any reason to live. Alex Vause was dead, and it was on her hands. Piper was a murderer.

When Alex woke up the next day, she felt a tightness around her temples. She'd had headaches in the hospital the first few weeks after she'd woken up, but they had abated after a while. According to the doctor, it was purely stress, so they had urged her on her discharge not to exert herself too much. Lying on her back in her bunk — not half as comfortable as her hospital bed — Alex thought that she might have overdone it yesterday when she'd confronted Caputo. Then again, she thought, it was not entirely her fault. There had been a lot to process, after all. Piper's recent removal to Psych had been only one of many shocks.

It took her a while to get back into prison routine. Because she'd had mostly nothing to do while she was in the hospital, getting up was more difficult than she'd anticipated, and she didn't make the shower at 5am as she usually did. She made it for breakfast, where she sat silently with her regular crew. After breakfast, she went back to her bunk. She hadn't received an assignment yet, though Caputo had promised her that she'd never have to work with the garden crew again. Alex had replied that she never had much of a green thumb anyway.

There was nothing she'd much prefer doing otherwise, though she thought she wouldn't like to work in the _Whisper_ workshop. Too many bad associations. After everything that had happened, she felt almost nostalgic for the laundry room. The work was mind-numbing, it was gruelingly hot during summer, and the company was lousy, but while she had worked in the laundry, she thought, everything had been all right between Piper and her. It was only when she got assigned to the ground crew, and Piper had gotten the _Whisper_ job, that everything had gone downhill. And while Alex knew that the job assignments in themselves were only circumstantially contributing factors to their sputtering relationship, the whole business had given her a distaste for anything related to either hoeing or sewing.

Alex remained in her bunk during most of the morning. She tried reading, but reading exacerbated her headache, so she settled down and listened, inanely, to the radio. She was surprised when, around 11am, she was called into Healy's office.

'Vause,' he said. 'Sit down.'

Vaguely surprised at this show of civility, Alex took a seat.

Healy looked at her. 'You will be aware that officer Rogers has been discharged,' he said.

Alex frowned. 'Officer Rogers?'

Healy put on his spectacles, taking up a paper from his desk. 'I believe the inmates called her "Berdie",' he said, unable to keep the disdain from his voice. He looked down at the paper in his hand. 'She was your counselor when you came in a few months ago, yes?'

'Yes.'

'Well, since she has been discharged, you are back on _my_ list, which means that I have been asked to assign you to a new job.'

'Right,' Alex said, sitting back. 'Brilliant.'

Healy narrowed his eyes and sat back, mimicking Alex's pose. 'Now, listen here, Vause,' he said. 'We both know that I don't like you, but Caputo here has asked me to give you a new assignment which doesn't involve _gardening._ ' He shook his head. 'And while I don't believe in giving inmates preferential treatment, after your ahh, _incident_ , I've been given orders from higher up to be nice to you. _So_ ,' he continued, leaning forward and folding his hands on his desk, 'I've written down a few suggestions for you, and I'd like you to _tell_ me whether or not you feel up to the job.'

He finished this last sentence with such apparent distaste, Alex could tell how much he hated being nice to her. Barely managing to keep in her gloat, Alex nodded, biting her lip. 'Okay,' she said. 'That sounds fair.'

Healy's face reddened. He didn't look at Alex, but kept his face glued to the paper in his hand. 'Okay. Since it's a popular job, and there has been a — _vacancy_ — recently, would you like to work in the _Whisper_ workshop?'

Alex felt her stomach tense. She knew Healy was purposefully referencing Piper, and it sickened her. She shook her head. 'No, I'll think I'll pass on _Whisper_ ,' she said.

Healy looked up at her over his glasses. 'You sure about that?'

Alex nodded. 'Positive.'

Healy sighed, theatrically crossing out a line on his paper. 'Okay, well, _Luschek_ has asked for some more hands back in Electrical, if you're up for that?'

Alex bit her lip, and she felt the knot in her stomach tighten further. When she replied, her voice was carefully contained. 'Actually, sir,' she said, 'if there would still be some room in the laundry, I'd prefer getting back there...'

Healy paused, pinning her with a look. 'Laundry,' he said, nodding slowly while he rifled his papers. 'I think there might be a spot for you there, yes...'

Alex deflated, her muscles relaxing. ' _Thank_ you, sir,' she said pointedly.

'You sure?' Healy said, and Alex couldn't stop herself from cocking an icy eyebrow at him.

'I'm positive, sir,' she said. ' _If_ it wouldn't be too much trouble.'

'No, not at all,' he said lightly. He nodded and closed his paper bundle. 'All right, Vause, you'll be expected tomorrow at the laundry. Don't be late.'

Alex rolled her eyes as she got up. 'I won't, sir.'

It was with a mixture of anger and relief that she exited Healy's office. She was relieved that she'd gotten her old job back, and might finally be able to find some normalcy in her current situation — but angry that Healy had pettily tried so hard to get under her skin. And angry, finally, with herself, that he had been able to. Alex had always prided herself on being a bastion of impenetrability when it came to feelings. Once Piper had shown up in her life, that bastion had been breached, and Alex still didn't know whether to be grateful or furious about it.


	4. Chapter 4

_And now for the real stuff... Be prepared, it's going to be messy._

* * *

The rest of her day Alex spent in her bunk. Her headache had gone down a little, so she found herself able to read, but even she couldn't read for hours on end. Every now and then the idea to head outside flitted through her head, but she always cut it short. She knew she'd have to eventually, but she didn't dare to go outside. Not yet.

Evening arrived like mercy. Alex spent dinner with Nicky, Morello, Yoga Jones, and she got reacquainted with Big Boo and Sister Ingalls, both of whom wished her welcome back. Not feeling much in the mood to talk, though, she just nodded politely and focused on her (drab, disgusting, insipid) meal. They were all clearing up their plates and getting ready to leave when Alex was called by one of the guards, whom she recognized as Bayley — the one who had smuggled the panties out of prison when the panty business was still going. He took her aside. His arms were tightly crossed around his torso, and he seemed to have great difficulty just to stand still.

'Alex Vause,' he said.

Alex frowned. 'That would be me.'

Bayley nodded. Lowering his voice, he said: 'Mr Caputo gave me instruction to tell you that he has complied your request.'

Alex's eyes widened. She leaned in. ' _Really?_ ' she whispered. 'Are you serious?'

Bayley nodded again. 'Absolutely,' he said, bobbing his head. He breathed out and his posture relaxed. He managed a smile. 'Piper should be arriving any minute now.'

'Wait, _now_?' Alex said, alarmed.

'That's what Mr Caputo said.'

'Holy _shit_.' Alex turned around to see Nicky and Morello loitering by the exit of the cafeteria, waiting for her to be released from the interview. Nicky raised her eyebrows. Alex nodded to her, then turned back to Bayley. 'Thanks,' she said. 'Really.'

Bayley smiled a nervous, yet genuine smile. 'No problem.'

Alex nodded to him, then tried very hard not to break into a run as she approached her friends. 'They're getting Piper out of Psych,' she said, her heart now catching up to speed with the news. 'They're getting her out _now_.'

'Holy shit, really?' Nicky said. She cocked her head at Alex, seeming to regard her in a new way. 'Damn Vause, you got skills.'

Alex shook her head. 'I need to find her,' then wasted no more time as she strode into the hallway towards the prison's entrance. Nicky and Morello followed her.

She got there just in time, because when she rounded the corner, a shadow of what once was Piper Chapman was deposited by the guard in the middle of the hallway.

Alex stopped short. They were on opposite ends of the hallway, but even from a distance, Alex could see the blonde's transformation. Her frame looked cadaverous, her posture hunched. Her hair was limp and ashen. What most shocked Alex, however, was how Piper didn't move as the guard released her, wobbly on her legs, and looking around as if she didn't know where she was, or _who_ she was.

For one terrifying moment, Alex didn't dare to move. Then, she took a breath, and started walking towards the blonde. She was only a few paces away when she stopped, and Piper's seemed to register her.

'Piper?'

Alex could see Piper's eyes widen and her jaw sink, slowly, down. She blinked, then opened her eyes again. Her eyelids started quivering. When her voice came out, it sounded unearthly. ' _Alex_?'

She had only just pronounced the word when Alex saw her eyes roll up and her legs wobble. Alex lurched forward the last few steps that closed the distance between them, and was just able to catch Piper as the latter toppled forward, straight into Alex's arms.

Her skin buzzing and her heart beating, Alex clutched the blonde tightly, then whispered her name again. ' _Piper_?'

'Hey, no touching!'

She heard the heavy footsteps of a guard approaching, and felt anger bubble under her skin.

'She fainted,' Alex said as the guard faced her. 'What am I supposed to do, drop her?' She cocked her eyebrow at him. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately. The guard was one of the newly hired ones, obviously at a loss on how to proceed. He blinked owlishly.

'Er, I think there's a stretcher in storage somewhere...' he said, turning around to look for assistance.

'Save it,' Alex said. She took a measured breath. Shifting her shoulders and her arms as best as she could, she adjusted Piper's position against her body, then bowed sideways. She grunted as she put her left arm under Piper's knee and dragged her up. She was puffing with the effort, yet felt a flutter of worry as she registered how light Piper was. She looked the guard in the eye. 'I'll carry her.' Before the man could protest, Alex turned around and marched out of the hallway. She felt the wide-eyed stares of Morello and Nicky, who had remained at the end of the hallway, but ignored them. As she walked towards her dorm with Piper in her arms, she heard the whisperings and stares of other prisoners. But she ignored them, and they went out of her way. She was a woman with a mission, and nobody dared to stop her — not even the guards.

It was a struggle to get her there. Even though Piper was light — much _too_ light — Alex felt the blonde's bulk to weigh down on her as if she was physically carrying all the emotional baggage they had accumulated over the years. Love, hate, lust, guilt, resentment, tenderness... It all came rushing back to Alex, and yet the only thing which continued to burn like an Olympic flame in her heart, above all others, was a feeling she recognized all too well. She remembered all the other times when Piper had lain limp inside her arms. All those mornings when Alex — always the early riser — had quietly observed the blonde woman, snugly enveloped by the innocence of sleep, and she had felt a rush of love and fierce protectiveness clamp down like a fist around her heart. Sometimes, it had caused a tightness in her throat which had made it difficult to breathe. As she carried Piper in her arms, Alex vowed to herself that as long as it was within her power, she would keep this woman safe. This miraculous, terrible mess of a woman. Alex didn't dare to think it, but felt it in her heart — _her_ woman.

When she arrived in the suburbs, Alex took Piper straight to her bunk. She thanked her lucky stars that Piper's top bunkie wasn't there — she didn't want to be disturbed, and she didn't want any questions. Who _was_ there, however, was Red; the latter immediately dropped the book she was reading as Alex laid Piper onto her bunk.

'What is _this_?' Red said.

'Piper,' Alex said. 'She fainted.'

'She came out of _psych_?'

' _Yes_ ,' Alex said, wondering how many times she'd have to repeat it. 'I got her out.'

'Holy _shit_ ,' Red said, moving in closer. There was a moment's silence as they both watched Piper, a ghostly reflection of the girl they used to know. 'She looks terrible.'

Alex took a breath, turning around to face the Russian woman. 'She fainted when she saw me,' she said. 'What do you think we can do to bring her around?'

'She fainted when she saw you,' Red said, crossing her arms. She sounded vaguely sarcastic.

' _Yes_ ,' Alex said again. She pulled a hand through her hair. 'I don't know, I must've shocked her, I suppose.' Sitting on her knees next to Piper's bed, Alex reached out and pulled a wisp of blonde hair out of her face. 'She must've believed I was dead...'

'Well, you're a risen woman, then,' Red said, putting her hands up. She put her glasses on and her hands in her sides, drumming her fingers on her hip. 'It's probably a combination of shock and low blood sugar. What she needs... Ah, Nicky,' the Russian woman said, and Alex looked around to see Nicky and Morello approaching tentatively.

Morello pointed a shaky finger at Piper. 'How is she?'

Alex rolled her eyes. 'Still unconscious. I asked Red here if she knew how to bring her around.'

'Yes. Nicky,' Red reiterated, 'Go get me a coke and a bag of chips.'

Nicky frowned, incredulous. 'What, do you think junk food is going to help her?'

'Well,' Red said, counting on her fingers, 'There's two possibilities. It might be low blood sugar, which would not surprise me, given what they might have fed her down there...'

'Or _didn't_ feed her,' Alex said.

' _Or_ ,' Red continued. 'It's low blood _pressure_ , in which case she needs salt. So the best way to try to bring her around is to get her something sweet and something salty.' She turned back to Alex and winked. 'Junk food can be surprisingly medicinal.'

'All right,' Nicky said, shrugging. 'Whatever you say, mama.'

Nicky left, Morello following, and Red went to rummage in her locker, coming back to Alex's side with a little package.

'What's that?' Alex asked, suspicious.

'Spices from commissary,' Red said. 'They should help her wake up. She won't eat if she's unconscious.'

Alex sat back mutely as Red ripped open the package, leaned over Piper and dabbed some of the powdery substance on the blonde's lips.

The effect was instantaneous. The blonde sputtered, coughed, and her eyelids flickered open. She breathed unevenly for a while, then opened her eyes.

Nicky just came back with the requested coke and chips. Red motioned her over.

'Here, honey,' she said to Piper, popping open the can of coke. 'Drink this.' She helped Piper to sit up a little, and held the can to her mouth as the blonde took a few tentative sips. Swallowing appeared difficult — Piper winced whenever Alex saw her adam's apple bob down. But after a few draughts, she already looked better. Alex breathed out.

'Take your time, honey,' Red said, handing over the can to Piper, who, mechanically, continued to drink it. 'Nicky brought you some food as well,' she added, taking the chips from Nicky. She opened the package. 'You should eat it when you feel up to it.'

Piper looked at the bag of chips like it was something suspicious. She allowed Red to lay it in her lap, against her chest, but she didn't touch it. She looked up at Red. She swallowed another gulp of coke, winced, and opened her mouth. 'Thank you,' she croaked.

Red rubbed her hand against the blonde's arm. 'You're welcome, honey,' she said. She looked sideways at Alex, whom Piper didn't seem to have registered. 'I'll leave you two,' she whispered to Alex. 'Make sure she finishes that.' Standing up, she gripped her back. 'There is someone here to see you,' she said, addressing Piper again. Then she moved back to her own bunk, and allowed Alex to inch closer, on her knees, into the spot Red had just vacated.

Alex tried her best not to cry as she looked down at Piper. As the blonde slowly shifted her gaze towards Alex, her hand started to shake, and Alex quickly took the coke can from her fingers. At the touch, Piper's eyes went wide. 'Al...' she stuttered. ' _Alex_?'

Alex smiled down at her, and for a moment the rest of reality seemed suspended as the two women looked at each other.

Piper swallowed. 'You're n-not a dream?'

Alex had to restrain herself not to reach out. 'No, I'm not a dream,' she said, smiling even as her eyes teared up. 'I'm right here, Pipes.'

'You're not... dead?'

Alex shook her head, and her heart skipped a beat as Piper lifted her hand. Unable to restrain herself, Alex took the offered hand, kissed it, and put it against her cheek. 'I'm here, Piper,' she said, her voice more hoarse than usual, 'I'm right here.'

Big, stuttering breaths went through Piper's frame. Her eyes started watering up, and her eyelids quivered. 'I didn't kill you?' she said, her voice fading almost into nothing as she finished the question.

'No,' Alex said, shaking her head. She wanted to say something more, something to assure Piper that she shouldn't feel guilty, but she couldn't think of anything. 'I'm here, Piper,' she said. 'I'm here with you.'

Piper flopped back against her bed. 'Oh my God,' she said, and Alex flinched as she felt Piper's hand withdraw from her cheek to wrap around her middle. She had started shivering. 'Oh my God,' she said, and, arms wrapped tightly around her torso, she started rocking. 'Oh my God.'

Alex could almost feel her heart crack, like a splinter in a piece of china, as she watched Piper process. She wanted nothing rather than to take Piper into her arms and hug her so tightly, but she didn't dare to. Instead, she allowed herself to put her hand lightly on Piper's knee. At the touch, Piper stilled. She looked at the hand on her knee, then at Alex's face. Alex squeezed her knee. 'It's okay, kid,' she said. 'It's okay.'

It was these words, more than any other, which seemed to comfort Piper. She took a deep breath, and Alex could see the tension drain from her body. Piper closed her eyes. 'Okay,' she said. 'Okay.'

Alex smiled crookedly. 'Okay,' she echoed, squeezing Piper's knee. 'Okay.'


	5. Chapter 5

_Some trouble coming up... Not there yet, but it's brewing._

* * *

Alex had the greatest difficulty to say goodbye to Piper at the end of the day. They hadn't talked much after the initial confrontation; Alex had officially stayed to make sure that Piper finished her coke and chips, but even though that had taken a long time, she'd had struggled to come up with a reason to stay after that. They hadn't talked much. Piper had asked her how she was. Not wanting to overwhelm the blonde with too much details, Alex had merely told her she was fine, and had made a full recovery. That Aydin had been arrested, and her future safety had been guaranteed by the prison administration. Piper had seemed comforted at the news. When it was time to go to bed, however, Piper had held on to Alex's hand as if she'd die if the woman let go. Piper had looked at Alex with fear in her eyes. 'Please don't leave,' she had whispered, and Alex remembered with a pang the plea she had made to Piper more than a decade ago.

She had clasped the blonde's hand firmly and kissed it repeatedly. 'I just need to go to my bunk for the night,' she had said. 'I _swear_ I will be back in the morning.'

When Piper replied, there had been a tremor in her voice. 'You promise?'

'I promise,' Alex had said. She had been true to her word, and before she had headed over to the shower at 5am the next morning — she had fallen back into her prison rhythm — she had paid a short visit to Piper's bunk.

The blonde appeared to have slept badly, but was comforted at Alex's return.

'I'll see you at breakfast,' Alex had said. Piper had just nodded.

Alex had had some worries as to whether Piper would actually show up for breakfast, but she spotted the blonde slide into the breakfast line the minute she collected her own platter. She had waved shortly at the blonde and motioned towards the table she was heading towards. Piper had smiled feebly, then nodded.

It had been awkward at first, to have Piper back at the table. Everyone seemed unsure of what to say since they didn't want to trigger any bad memories, but they didn't want to act like nothing had happened either. In the end, Morello stepped up and wished her welcome back. Since Morello had been the first one to make Piper feel welcome in prison, this seemed to warm the blonde.

Nevertheless, Piper remained mostly quiet, not only at breakfast, but during most of the day. In the morning she had, like Alex a few days before, been called into Healy's office to discuss some practicalities. Alex had been chagrined to discover that Piper hadn't been able to get a new assignment, so she was still in the _Whisper_ workshop. Luckily, Nicky had informed her the day before that _she_ now worked in the workshop as well, so Alex asked Nicky to keep an eye on Piper.

'Yes ma'am,' Nicky had said, saluting.

Alex rolled her eyes. 'You know what I mean.'

'I know what you mean,' Nicky said. 'I'll keep an eye on your girl, no prob.'

'She's not...' Alex said. She shook her head. 'Whatever. Just keep an eye on her. I don't want those girls that were involved in her business to start harassing her when she gets back.'

'What'll I tell them?' Nicky said. 'Keep away from her, or I'll tell Vause?'

Alex grinned despite herself. 'Whatever you think is necessary, Nichols.' She furrowed her brow. 'Hey, why are you in _Whisper_ now, anyway? Had your fill of electrical?'

'Why did I move to _Whisper_ , now let's think...' Nicky said, squinting her eyes theatrically. 'Okay, first of all,' she said, counting on her fingers, 'yes, I was tired of electrical. I'm still pissed at Luschek, and we have a silent agreement to avoid each other.'

'Right.'

'Secondly, they had a free spot at _Whisper_ , because your girlfriend's Bieber lookalike went to Max.'

' _Riiight_ ,' Alex said. She had forgotten about Stella.

'And thirdly, you get to look at pictures of half-naked women all day long, for more pay. What's not to love?'

Alex had found herself laughing at that, her first genuine, full-blown laugh since she had come back from the hospital. 'Right. I can see how that would appeal to you.'

'And now, I can keep an eye on your girl for you. Everybody wins.'

They had high-fived each other. 'Nichols, if you ever need a favor, you know where to find me.'

'Sure do,' Nicky had said, winking suggestively.

Alex had waited with trepidation for news when dinnertime came around. She had been jittery all day, and had failed to fold her worried thoughts away along with the laundry. She could almost cry with relief when she spotted Nicky and Piper, lining up together to fetch their dinner. Alex didn't dare to ask, but a nod and wink from Nicky reassured her that nothing bad had happened. As soon as Piper spotted Alex, however, she rushed to get to her. She sat next to her at dinner, casting nervous glances at the raven-haired woman throughout, and when dinner was over, she seemed anxious to stay close to Alex. Noticing the blonde's anxiety, Alex had turned around and squeezed her hand. 'Let's get out of here,' she'd said.

Ten minutes later, they were in the library. They sat down against the wall, in the farthest corner of the room behind a bookcase. Since the bedbug infestation, most books hadn't been replaced yet, and traffic in the library was sparse. It was the best place, apart from the chapel maybe, which could grant them some privacy.

Alex sat against the wall, Piper between her legs. They weren't talking. Alex stroked the blonde's back while Piper leaned her head against Alex's chest. At first, Alex had wondered what Piper had wanted when she had positioned herself so purposefully against Alex. It was only after she had felt the blonde shift several times, and when she had caught Piper's lips move with a certain regularity, that Alex realized. Piper was listening to her heartbeat.

The realization had made Alex want to draw Piper tightly against her body, touch, and kiss her, but she once again restrained herself. Instead, she let Piper lean lightly against her while she stroked the blonde's back, sporadically leaning in to kiss the crown of her head. It wasn't everything. Both of them were still healing, and a miasma of pain still seemed to hover around them wherever they went, alone _or_ together. But given the circumstances, it was the best Alex could have hoped for.

As the days progressed, however, Alex began to have doubts. Piper was functioning, she was glad to see; the blonde came to every meal, she went to the workshop where, Nicky told her, she did her job, if nothing else, and she followed prison orders whenever needed. She didn't go missing anymore. But as her first week progressed, and then her second week, Alex noticed that she wasn't getting much better either. She was still quiet at the dinner table, she didn't talk much except to the people she needed to talk to, and whenever Alex was around, the blonde seemed to follow her around like a lost puppy. They spent a lot of time together, but they never talked much. Piper was doing okay, but if it hadn't been for herself, Alex thought that she'd just as easily stumble back down the whole she had worked herself into. But Alex was there, and she was comforting, and forgiving, and told her it would be okay. And Piper seemed to believe it. And while Alex desperately wanted to believe it too, doubts started niggling at her conscience.

On a rare morning when Alex was at breakfast early, and Piper was still waiting in the shower line, Alex voiced her worries to Nicky.

'She's not improving,' Alex said, a crease in her brow. 'And she doesn't seem to realize. And it doesn't even seem to _bother_ her much.'

'Well, no wonder, Vause, what with the Saint you've been.' Nicky lifted her hands in the air as if praying to an invisible deity. 'Saint Vause, patron saint of narcissistic screw-ups. She will forgive you for your sins, no matter how shitty you've been.'

' _Nicky_...' Alex said, trying to sound chastising despite her laughter. 'I'm not... I haven't forgiven her. I'm just giving her the time she needs, and... Well, I _imagined_ I would be there for her as long as she needs to get back on her feet, but...' Alex frowned. 'It's like she's on her feet, but she can't stand up straight or move forward if I'm not behind her to hold her up and push.'

'And you're doing exactly what you've been doing so many times before, and she's accepting it because it's comforting, and she doesn't have to face her problems,' Nicky said, prodding her mud-colored oatmeal. 'You're being way too easy on her, Vause. I mean, think of what she's _done_ to you.'

Alex looked at Nicky for a second, then shook her head. 'That wouldn't be fair.'

'Fair?' Nicky said. 'You know, maybe I'm the delusional one here, but for the largest part of your prison relationship, I haven't seen much fair play between the two of you. She'll drain you, Vause. She _is_ draining you, and you're letting her.'

'Then what do you suggest I do?' Alex said, a hostile edge to her voice. 'Confront her, then let her get thrown back down to psych because I hurt her feelings?'

'Hey, you got her out, Vause,' Nicky said. 'You did you part. If she wants to screw up her time here, that's her problem, not yours.'

'But she, needs me...'

'And don't you need her too?' Nicky said. 'Isn't that like, one of the essential parts of a functioning relationship?' Nicky pointed her spoon at Alex. 'You're there for _her_ , Vause, but when has she ever been there for you when _you_ need her?'

Alex opened her mouth to reply, but no words came. 'She...' Alex sputtered, 'she's been there for me. I mean, not always, but —'

'Yeah, I'm sure she was there for you _some_ of the time,' Nicky said, rolling her eyes. 'But when was she there for you when you _really_ needed her?'

'I...' Alex said. She puffed out a sigh. 'It's just not something I can expect from her right now. She's still too fragile.'

'And she's not getting better because you're there and she's leaning on you,' Nicky said. 'You can't _save_ her, Vause. _That's_ something she needs to do for herself.'

Alex started, Nicky's statement hitting her full force. She looked away to let the thought take root, but it didn't take long for Alex to realize that Nicky was right. Alex _couldn't_ save Piper, no matter how much she might want to. Alex looked back up.

'You've got to stand up for yourself, Vause,' Nicky said, interpreting Alex's silence as agreement, 'or she's going to keep using you until she doesn't need you anymore, and she'll throw you away like an old dishrag. You can't let a woman treat you like that. Show some self-respect.'

Deep in her stomach, Alex felt the remains of resentment boiling up, and her face twitched. They weren't feelings she wanted to feel. It had been quiet and peaceful and tender with Piper, and she felt little inclination to dredge the past back up. But Nicky was right. Piper and Alex had fallen into a pattern — a destructive one — and if Alex didn't step up, she knew that history was very likely to repeat itself. Looking down at her breakfast, Alex suddenly felt miserable. She loved Piper. Even after everything the blonde had put her through, she knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt. But she couldn't be there for the blonde if she wanted an equable, wholesome, constructive relationship. She knew it, and she knew she shouldn't wait too long to make it clear to Piper. She just hated that, if she wanted to do right by herself, she'd have to be the bad guy for Piper.


End file.
